adulthood

I turn 21 next week... I will be able to legally drink, and I have friends my age who are married, who have kids, who have finished college, who chew tobacco... But what are the hallmarks of an adult? What makes someone "grown-up"?

Owning a house?
Have a child?
Getting married?
Paying taxes?
Holding a college degree?
Paying all your own expenses?
Being able to buy what ever you want?
Setting aside your feelings?
Holding your tongue when it's wisest to say nothing?
Watching someone die?
Getting drunk?
Having the clout to say whatever you want?
Fighting in an war?

I think being an adult means paying your own way, understanding ALL of your responsibilities and not running away from them, knowing when to hold your tongue and when to set it free, and, among others, being able to set aside your own feelings and help someone else. I think being an adult is more about how you treat other people than what you have accomplished. Pitching a fit like a little kid when you don't get your way isn't very adult-like, but neither is taking it when someone is pushing you around like you're a child. I think being an adult is knowing how to balance treating others with respect while still commanding some respect for yourself.

Lately I've been more worried about what others think of me and trying to "command" that respect and because of that I don't think I've been treating others with much of it. As a general rule, I don't like blanket apologies, but if you feel like I haven't treated you with the proper amount of respect, I'm sorry and I can promise that I will be trying harder in the future. I think finding that balance will take some time; I'm not yet an adult by my definition.

Now, that being said, I think it is entirely possible for there to exist 10 year old adults and 49 year old children; I don't think there are many my-definition-adults in typical American society. For some reason it is so much easier for people to ignore that balance and just gravitate towards one end or the other. In my admittedly limited experience I feel that more often that not people end up on my end of the spectrum, the end where they just want respect but aren't willing to give it.

Gandhi, and I'm sure several others, said: "Be the change you want to see in the world." This idea is being perpetuated through my society with the use of commercials showing people being observed doing good deeds, and the observer being so impressed they go on to do their own good deeds which are observed and so on. Although these commercials are typically advertising car insurance or some such, they have a good idea. Maybe, if I want there to be more of my-definition-adults, I should start acting like one.