I am not what you would call an orthodox Mormon. I like caramel macchiato's, R-rated movies, and going for hikes in lieu of Sacrament meeting. The temple scares me and the belief that to get to the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom, the Heaven of Heavens, you have to be involved in a polygamist marriage makes me angry. I don't like that Father in Heaven is portrayed as an obey-or-die type, and I hate that no one will talk about Mother in Heaven. I don't like that it is taught that it is the girls responsibility to keep the boys thoughts clean. I really don't like that the boys get to do boy scouts and go camping and fishing and hiking while the girls get to learn how to... You know, I don't think I really learned anything in Young Women's.
I do love the idea of something beyond this life; that I have a loving father waiting to hug me and say, "I'm so proud of you!" I love the idea that when I pray, someone is listening to me. I love the idea that I can be with my man forever and that families are one of the most important things. I also really like the teaching that we should be kind to everyone no matter what.
This year has been quite the adventure for me as I have walked farther into the gray space between right and wrong. I have realized things and grown in ways that I didn't think were possible. I have a new found appreciation for my family. They are so great! They help me in such great ways and they are so much fun to be around. I love them so much more than I realized I did. And I want to raise my kids around them.
Since January I have done things that most orthodox Mormons would consider damning, and yet I have grown closer to my family and I feel like Heavenly Father is touching my life more than ever before. I say that proves that God loves everybody and not just orthodox Mormons of the one true church. I think it proves that you can be a wonderful and God loving person even when you don't follow the churches every word.
I think about Heavenly Mother a LOT. I wrote about my feelings about Her a long time ago:
ReplyDeletehttp://chezprez.blogspot.com/2010/01/most-underrated-woman.html
I am sort of wondering where you get some of the ideas you have. Not that they are good or bad, but this one is incorrect. Polygamy is a hard thing for a lot of people, I am one. But no where in church DOCTRINE does it state that we will be REQUIRED to live the law of plural marriage in the clestial kingdom. We are also not taught in the temple that it is mandatory. There are those who will but it will be based on their WILLINGNESS, based on their hearts and their level of eternal understanding. The "Mormon" God is one of agency and love and our agency is ETERNAL, not just for this life. Forcing us to live by a law would in fact take away our agency...no?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that you are coming close to your family, Erin! It's interesting how college does that for you, eh? You realize that friends come and go, but your family is there for you no matter what.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't agree with everything you've said, I understand the journey required to find your place with God; and coming to distinguish YOUR relationship with Him from hearing what other's relationship is. Everyone's relationship is so different with God, you can't compare two and say one is right and the other wrong.
I can hear ya on some of the young women things...I love backpacking and shooting. And with certain leaders throughout the years liked cutting and pasting instead. But that is more of a ward to ward technicality and not a blanket "Mormon church" ruling that woman cannot learn anything awesome :)
As far as girls being expected to keep boys thoughts clean and boys being let off the hook...there is more to be said of that. If you want to know what the church's stance is, go to the source. I'll send you what Elder Oaks said about this. May I email it to you?
Erin, you are awesome! I'm glad to hear you are really looking at what you do and don't believe. Coming to a place in your life where you are at peace with God is so important.
Humor me, Erin. Take a look at this video. It talks about principles that are applicable to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAjZ8mfoYw
I love you, Erin! I'm glad I happened upon your blog!
p.s. I do not consider you damned ;)