eczema sucks

I'm so sick of this!!! I'm sick of this red, scaly, painful, itchy, sticky, gross rash! I'm sick of not being able to wear make-up. I'm sick of not being able to wear my contacts. I'm sick of not being able to use perfume or nice smelling lotions. I'm sick of having to lather up using weird smelling lotions that sting. I'm sick not being able to wear nail polish. I'm sick of crying being painful. I'm sick of not feeling beautiful. I'm sick of people asking me what's wrong with my face. I'm sick and STINKING TIRED of ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some people ask what's wrong in nice ways; "Are you okay? It looks like you've been crying." Some people who know what wrong say, "You're rash looks so painful," in a kindly tone. But I have had some people say,"It's looks really bad today, what'd you do?"

My boyfriend, who is a wonderful man and who cares about me, told me yesterday that he'd been looking at some of my old pictures on facebook. He said, "I couldn't believe that it was you in those pictures. I'd never seen you without eczema and you looked so good with make-up." He didn't mean it to be cruel and he wasn't trying to hurt me. But I still cried myself to sleep. I don't look like the girl in those pictures, all smooth skinned and with a creamy complexion. I still think my boyfriend is great and he still thinks I'm beautiful.

I'll be going to see an eczema specialist at the U next Monday and I am to the point that I am willing to do ANYTHING to be pretty again. I will try any diet, take any med, use any cream, move if I have to! I just want to stop itching and be pretty again.

:'(