health week

It is health week on campus. Yesterday there were pieces of paper taped to the mirrors in the bathrooms that said, "Time-out Tuesday: take some time to relax. Do yoga, go for a walk, or take a nap!" And today the pieces of paper were different, "No-number Wednesday: don't think about how much you weight or how many calories you are burning on the exercise machine; your value can't be measured in numbers!" I know that these two things, stress and weight management, weigh on my mind a lot.

Did you know that when you are a developing fetus the same type of tissue that makes your nervous system, makes your skin? Weird, right? This is why when you are embarrassed, you blush or your skin gets hot. This is also why when you get stressed, you get more acne, or in my case, you get a rash. My rash is called eczema. It is red, scaly, hot, sticky, and dry. Lotions sting and burn, but without them my skin comes off in sheets of dry nastiness. For years I have been battling with it. Mostly as an elementary school kid and now in college. For some reason, in high school it didn't bother me; I thought I'd grown out of it; but over the last year or two it's gotten worse. When I was a kid the eczema was confined to my elbows and knees; I could cover it up with clothes. How it's all over my face. My forehead, my eyes, my cheeks, my lips, my shoulders, my arms, and my legs. And it's not getting any better. I was content to live with it when it was somewhere I could cover it up but now that it's in a place people can see, I hate it! Today I've had four people ask me what was wrong with my skin. If it weren't for my great roommates, loving family, and wonderful boyfriend, who all tell me how good looking I am despite the eczema, I'd have much worse self-esteem than I do.

I have been seen three dermatologists and one naturologist trying to figure out something, ANYTHING, to get rid of this eczema... or at least decrease the dryness, redness, and pain. But nothing as come of it. The dermatologists have prescribed everything from triamcinolone to something that has the potential to cause cancer. The naturologist told me I was that food allergies were causing my issues. He said I was allergic to wheat, milk, yogurt, potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, and a few other things that escape me right now. I've been told to change my bedsheets every week, to not shower in hot water or swim in chlorinated pools, not to use anything with perfume in it, and to not use perfumed detergents on my clothes. I can only use lotions, deodorants, body washes, and make-ups that are hypoallergenic and they are quite pricey. And I hate all of it. As I was complaining about the pain and embarrassment associated with this red, scaly rash, my roommate said something that I had never considered before; "When you are resurrected you'll have perfect skin and you won't have to deal with eczema." That is a princeple of my religion that I have heard many times but I had always associated it with severally handicapped people, not my gross rash.

My eczema ties into health week in this way: I think my stress is manifesting itself as eczema. My doctor asked at my last visit, "Do you feel you are under excessive amounts of stress?" I didn't know how to answer that question. I am a college student for goodness sake! Of course I'm under stress, but so is everyone else. And isn't some stress supposed to be healthy? I said that I felt I was under the normal amount of stress for a college student. Beth laughed, "That is too much." She said that even if I feel I have everything under control and my brain thinks it's okay, my skin could be screaming, "I AM NOT OKAY!!" So, how do you decrease your stress? How do you unwind?

Now for the weight part. Have you ever looked at a horse? Big animal right? Did you know that the weight variance for various breeds of horses is an much 1,500 lbs? There are light horses who weight 800 lbs and big draft horses who weight 2,500 lbs. It would be sad and disgusting to see a light horse who weighted 1,300 lbs and a draft horse who weighted 1,400 lbs; the light one would be obese, and the draft would be skin and bones. I think the same is true of people. We aren't all meant to weight 110 lbs. Some of use are made to have 180 lbs be our healthy weight while others are meant to 100 lbs. It doesn't make one of us too fat or one of us too skinny; it just means that that is what is healthy for us.

I have always wanted to weight 125 lbs. Looking at me, a lot of people think I do weight that. But I don't. I weigh about 20 lbs more than that. My boyfriend didn't believe me when I told him what I really weighted. "You weigh only 30 lbs less than I do!?!" He swung me up into his arms and exclaimed, "You don't feel 140!" I couldn't stop the response from rolling off my tongue, "Oh yeah?! Then what do I feel like a weight?" He was too smart to be caught in that trap, "Like a feather." I laughed, but it felt good for him to say that. Another, similar incident happened when I went to the doctors last week. I hopped on the scale and almost cried as it flashed 140lbs. The technician saw the look on my face and said, "You have nothing to worry about."

As I've thought about those two things, as well as what that piece of paper said, I've come to realize something; It's not about the number on the scale but how you feel about how you look. If you like how you look and feel, then be happy with it and try to stop worrying about that pesky number. If you don't like how you look and feel then go to the gym and eat right and tell yourself that you are doing all you can to be healthy and don't worry about that pesky number. Either way, don't worry about the number. Please?