Over the course of my life I have had many relationships but none have lasted longer than four months. As of today I have been dating my current boyfriend for seven months, two weeks, and two days and I'm scared. Yeah, that's right, scared. I have never been this deep in a relationship or in love and I'm so terrified for when the ending will come. And one way or another it will come, either we'll break up or we'll get married and then when we get old one of us will die first. I don't want this relationship to end.
Because I'm so scared that this is going to end, I tend to become clingy and lose confidence in the relationship and in myself as the target of his love. Because of this lack of confidence I start to watch what I do and say and I turn into someone I don't recognize. Both my current boyfriend and most recent ex have told me that they wish they knew where the girl they originally fell in love with went...
How do I find my confidence again? How do I become a good long term girlfriend?
Take a day off every now and then from being someone's girlfriend and go be Erin Henrie sometimes. That way, you're Erin Henrie who has a boyfriend, instead of Alex's girlfriend, whose name is Erin. :)
ReplyDeleteI wanted to tell you that if you aren't happy as EEH, then no man, husband or otherwise will ever, make you happy. Insecurity causes stress and strain on relationships. I think it would be worth your time to invest some hardcore time in yourself and discovering things about you, be alone with you. And note this, from a formerly insecure "wife"...if you don't love you...how can you expect him to? Having a license that says you 'belong' to someone for the duration of this life, doesn't make your thoughts/insecurities about things go away and it doesn't make things that are currently hard automatically better. It complicates the problems that already exist. Love you. Learn to love you and accept the whole of you, problems, quirks and all. NEVER define you through someone else...because when they do go away or die, your identity will go with them if you do.
ReplyDeleteAnother thought...I know that religion as an organized thing has caused hang ups for you...but what about the idea of God as a Father and you as a daughter. I believe that many (all really) of the things you "freak out about" and post about here, can be aided and solved through HIM. Stop looking for happiness and answers outside yourself cause you will never find what you think you are looking for.
One of the problems with our digital age is we can put every thought out there for all the world to see.... Not always a good thing! Erin is a beautiful young adult struggling to figure out who she is and who she will be, which is exactly what she should be doing right now. Knowing Erin as I do, I can say unequivocally that she is an amazing person who will get there, though it may take some time and some serious introspection. I'm so glad that you are thinking, Erin! The unexamined life is a life not worth living (paraphrased and plagiarized!).
ReplyDeleteAmen to the end paragraph of the Baker. I can relate to you, Erin. I remember the boys I was with sometimes and about three months down the road thought "where is Heidi? Is this who I really am?". I remember telling a girlfriend "I know I've found the one when I don't turn into someone else when I'm with them". Though there is some truth to that, it's not them who cause the change...it's me knowing who I am and where I wanted to go. Interesting that the trait, knowing how I am, is a main quality that attracted my husband to me.
ReplyDeleteI like what everyone has said: 1) take time for yourself to be just you. Hang out with your girl friends. Sneak Ben and Jerry's into the movie theater. 2) Remember who you are. Understand that organized religion drive you and your mother a little batty. But God is not organized religion, He is your loving Heavenly Father and He knows who you are, whether or not you totally understand who He is. 3) I agree with your mom, you will come to a place where you recognize how amazing you are. It will come with time, and it's times like these that pull you to your knees that you find more of yourself.
Erin you are wonderful! Your curious about life, interested in understanding life deeply, have a kick-butt spunky side, but also have a tender caring side. You'll make it, Erin :)
I like what Heidi has to say! Remember Runaway Bride? Figure out how you like your eggs, not how he does. And keep in mind that we each have our own timetable. I was twenty-eight before I understood this and was truly able to hold my own in a relationship. Don't rush the process.... enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Heidi! That was so great to read. You are a good friend
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it helped! Sometimes we all need a little reminding of our awesome side :) Because we visit our not-so-good side more often then not. Good luck my friend!
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