I turn 21 next week... I will be able to legally drink, and I have friends my age who are married, who have kids, who have finished college, who chew tobacco... But what are the hallmarks of an adult? What makes someone "grown-up"?
Owning a house?
Have a child?
Getting married?
Paying taxes?
Holding a college degree?
Paying all your own expenses?
Being able to buy what ever you want?
Setting aside your feelings?
Holding your tongue when it's wisest to say nothing?
Watching someone die?
Getting drunk?
Having the clout to say whatever you want?
Fighting in an war?
I think being an adult means paying your own way, understanding ALL of your responsibilities and not running away from them, knowing when to hold your tongue and when to set it free, and, among others, being able to set aside your own feelings and help someone else. I think being an adult is more about how you treat other people than what you have accomplished. Pitching a fit like a little kid when you don't get your way isn't very adult-like, but neither is taking it when someone is pushing you around like you're a child. I think being an adult is knowing how to balance treating others with respect while still commanding some respect for yourself.
Lately I've been more worried about what others think of me and trying to "command" that respect and because of that I don't think I've been treating others with much of it. As a general rule, I don't like blanket apologies, but if you feel like I haven't treated you with the proper amount of respect, I'm sorry and I can promise that I will be trying harder in the future. I think finding that balance will take some time; I'm not yet an adult by my definition.
Now, that being said, I think it is entirely possible for there to exist 10 year old adults and 49 year old children; I don't think there are many my-definition-adults in typical American society. For some reason it is so much easier for people to ignore that balance and just gravitate towards one end or the other. In my admittedly limited experience I feel that more often that not people end up on my end of the spectrum, the end where they just want respect but aren't willing to give it.
Gandhi, and I'm sure several others, said: "Be the change you want to see in the world." This idea is being perpetuated through my society with the use of commercials showing people being observed doing good deeds, and the observer being so impressed they go on to do their own good deeds which are observed and so on. Although these commercials are typically advertising car insurance or some such, they have a good idea. Maybe, if I want there to be more of my-definition-adults, I should start acting like one.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
millennial thinking
In a desperate attempt to find online resources for people who aren't necessarily the strongest in the Church but want to get stronger, I found MormonMatters.Org, a site that discusses Mormon topics ranging from cultural to theological. The members that speak on the podcasts are devout, faithful members who don't always see eye-to-eye with the men in Salt Lake, just like me! It was a relief to find this site and realize that I wasn't alone in thinking that the good brethren sometimes don't understand the people they are leading.
The first podcast I listened to was about about the young single adults (YSA's) of the Church and what may be effecting their rate of inactivity [click here to find it], which was quoted at being at a rate of 80%. One of the big things that they talked about was how the things taught in the Church are the same for the twelve year olds as it is for the eighteen year olds, which leads to unanswered questions and frustrated learning. Once a youth turns eighteen, they take their leave of the Church because they don't feel that it satisfies their religious needs.
Another thing that was talked about was the big push to get the YSA's married because the Church knows how to better identify with married members than it does single members. But this big push for marriage isn't having the effect they want it to have. This generation is one that has seen terrible amounts of divorce and tough economic times which often shoots the "if you are a good member everything will turn out perfect" argument right in the foot! 20'somthings are going to college and leaving with more debt then they can off in five years, which is not conducive to a good marriage environment. And please don't get me started on the lack of marriage preparation the Church offers to its young members. One of the things that was brought up in this podcast was that there are plenty of good, faithful members who are working in the fields of Marriage & Family Therapy (my chosen field), Sex Therapy, Psychology, Sociology and Human Development who could help create a good marriage education curriculum built not just on gospel principles but also on proven marriage improvement techniques.
In conjunction with the topic of marriage preparation, sexual education was also brought up, or the lack there of. Humans are naturally curious and naturally sexual yet for the most part the Church has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on the whole thing, which leads to teens and 20'somethings going elsewhere for their education. Sometimes they find good quality information that quenches their curiosity and they don't have any problems. More often they glean their information from peers, porn, and the media, all quality sources *sarcasm* I purpose that if the Church were more open about it, more willing to talk about it, then it wouldn't be such a big problem, but I could be wrong.
The one thing that I ask of the Church (if anyone important is reading this, which is doubtful) is that they revamp the Young Men/ Young Women manuals to exclude the lessons on chastity that include the Half-Eaten Cookie Story (or any version there of), or stories of how you are better of dead then to lose your virginity under any circumstance. Fear is NOT a good motivator to do good.
Chances are I will be blogging about what I read and listen to from this podcast site- I think it's good stuff!
PS- "millennial thinking" is in reference to my generation, commonly referred to as the Millennial Generation. One of the things discussed in the podcast was that those who are members of this generation are more technologically savvy which means they have access to more information that ever before, which leads to more questions that Church leaders have a hard time answering.
The first podcast I listened to was about about the young single adults (YSA's) of the Church and what may be effecting their rate of inactivity [click here to find it], which was quoted at being at a rate of 80%. One of the big things that they talked about was how the things taught in the Church are the same for the twelve year olds as it is for the eighteen year olds, which leads to unanswered questions and frustrated learning. Once a youth turns eighteen, they take their leave of the Church because they don't feel that it satisfies their religious needs.
Another thing that was talked about was the big push to get the YSA's married because the Church knows how to better identify with married members than it does single members. But this big push for marriage isn't having the effect they want it to have. This generation is one that has seen terrible amounts of divorce and tough economic times which often shoots the "if you are a good member everything will turn out perfect" argument right in the foot! 20'somthings are going to college and leaving with more debt then they can off in five years, which is not conducive to a good marriage environment. And please don't get me started on the lack of marriage preparation the Church offers to its young members. One of the things that was brought up in this podcast was that there are plenty of good, faithful members who are working in the fields of Marriage & Family Therapy (my chosen field), Sex Therapy, Psychology, Sociology and Human Development who could help create a good marriage education curriculum built not just on gospel principles but also on proven marriage improvement techniques.
In conjunction with the topic of marriage preparation, sexual education was also brought up, or the lack there of. Humans are naturally curious and naturally sexual yet for the most part the Church has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on the whole thing, which leads to teens and 20'somethings going elsewhere for their education. Sometimes they find good quality information that quenches their curiosity and they don't have any problems. More often they glean their information from peers, porn, and the media, all quality sources *sarcasm* I purpose that if the Church were more open about it, more willing to talk about it, then it wouldn't be such a big problem, but I could be wrong.
The one thing that I ask of the Church (if anyone important is reading this, which is doubtful) is that they revamp the Young Men/ Young Women manuals to exclude the lessons on chastity that include the Half-Eaten Cookie Story (or any version there of), or stories of how you are better of dead then to lose your virginity under any circumstance. Fear is NOT a good motivator to do good.
Chances are I will be blogging about what I read and listen to from this podcast site- I think it's good stuff!
PS- "millennial thinking" is in reference to my generation, commonly referred to as the Millennial Generation. One of the things discussed in the podcast was that those who are members of this generation are more technologically savvy which means they have access to more information that ever before, which leads to more questions that Church leaders have a hard time answering.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
why get married?
What is a good reason to get married?
Because you love that person?
Because that person is your best friend?
Because you want to have sex with that person?
Because you want to have children with that person?
Because that person may be your last shot a marriage?
Because you can't imagine life without that person?
Because that person makes you happy?
Because that person inspires you to be better?
Because you love that persons family?
Because you want to have a wedding?
Because your religion says you have to?
Because your parents tell you to?
Because you need someone?
Because that person completes you?
Because you want to grow old with that person?
Why do people get married?
Because you love that person?
Because that person is your best friend?
Because you want to have sex with that person?
Because you want to have children with that person?
Because that person may be your last shot a marriage?
Because you can't imagine life without that person?
Because that person makes you happy?
Because that person inspires you to be better?
Because you love that persons family?
Because you want to have a wedding?
Because your religion says you have to?
Because your parents tell you to?
Because you need someone?
Because that person completes you?
Because you want to grow old with that person?
Why do people get married?
Monday, May 23, 2011
love and expectations
It has been said that when you love someone you should love and accept all of them, faults and perfections. Does that mean that if there is something that bothers you about the person you should either learn to live with it or break up with them? Is it wrong to think that it's okay to change for someone if the change is in a positive direction? Of course that brings in the ambivalence of "a positive direction." That is to say that what is a positive direction for me could be seen as a negative direction for another person. So... what do you think?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
ps...
I didn't go to do door-to-door sales... I am now working in a deli and living with my parents. I'm also training a horse and learning the play the guitar. This is summer will be just fine.
desire
A friend of mine told me that everything we are starts with what we desire. What we desire leads to how we prioritize, which leads to how we think, which leads to how we choose and we are defined by our choices. When this friend asked me what I desired for my life, I didn't have an answer. Well I have an answer now.
I desire a husband who loves me in spite of my skin, loves to travel, is strong in the LDS Church, wants to be a father, and is my best friend. I want a marriage that will last forever. I desire a family. I want a small ranch in a place like Cache Valley, only warmer. I want horses and dogs. I want a home that my kids will feel safe in. I want a nice house where we can be comfortable. I desire a career that will let me help people while still being a great mom. I want to travel with my family. I want to be able to look back on my life and be satisfied with it.
I desire a husband who loves me in spite of my skin, loves to travel, is strong in the LDS Church, wants to be a father, and is my best friend. I want a marriage that will last forever. I desire a family. I want a small ranch in a place like Cache Valley, only warmer. I want horses and dogs. I want a home that my kids will feel safe in. I want a nice house where we can be comfortable. I desire a career that will let me help people while still being a great mom. I want to travel with my family. I want to be able to look back on my life and be satisfied with it.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
unanswerable question
why do i still mourn and grieve over that which has been lost to me for a year?
why does my heart crack when i see things that remind me?
why do i cry when i remember?
why do i get jealous and angry?
why do i miss something that i shouldn't?
[yeah, it's cryptic, deal with it ;) ]
why does my heart crack when i see things that remind me?
why do i cry when i remember?
why do i get jealous and angry?
why do i miss something that i shouldn't?
[yeah, it's cryptic, deal with it ;) ]
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